Saturday, August 18, 2012

Tax Loophole Exterminator! Blindfolded Tax Loophole Exterminator!

Tax Loophole Exterminator here, Lady. Tax Loophole Exterminator.

Wonderful. We've had such a terrible problem (opens door).
People squeeze through all the loopholes we have here.
I hear it just takes a quarter inch and the whole elephant comes in.

Yup.  We'll take care of all that (waves swatter)

Wait a minute. You're blindfolded.
And your left wrist is tied to your right ankle.
You can't hardly move!  Look out for that lamp! (crash)

Well, that's the requirement of this new Prez, that Mitt guy.
He says, go ahead, find the tax loopholes, anybody that asks.
And report back. And he says, by the way,
Just do it blindfolded and with your wrist tied to your ankle.
So here we are.  And the truck out there is empty.
No tools.  No money for tools, he says.

(A herd of elephants continues to squeeze in)

They're pouring through!  Over here!  Over there!

Sorry, lady.  I'll report that, yes, there are indeed loopholes.
And before you complain, think back.

Nobody made that new Prez even show his loopholes;
And just elected him anyway, on trust.  Ha.
To rich to fail, too big to disclose. Gotta love it.
Loophole exterminator ain't got no road map at all!
Real time! Who's ever seen a really rich tax return?
Where's his stuff anyway? Would help to know that.

Anybody who expected him to close his own loopholes
Wasn't at those closed-door meetings with the Big Pachyderms.

Well, that's that.
I'll write up my report.
(Hobbles out, hitting the furniture) 

(Lady  muses) So there's just guesswork about what needs to be done
To close 'em up.  Nobody's seen returns like his! What are those loopholes?
The 99% have no idea -- and this way, won't!  Get out, you overstuffed Dumbo!
Out! (loophole remains open)

Tax reform: Sstairway to nowhere. No real, live returns as examples.

You 99%, no release of at least 7 most recent tax returns --
You pick the number -- and 6 months before an election.
Spirit of '76.
That person's off the ballot.
Strict liability offense. Like they got against immigrants.
Or want to.